Why 2016 Has Been The Best Year Of My Life

Vulnerability. Courage. Authenticity. Love. Those are the words I would use to describe the past year for me. I don't mean to toot my own horn (...toot TOOOOT) but I envision myself walking slow motion through 2016 with my hair blowing in the wind, a shameless smolder on my face, and just the right amount of dirt on my brow while the skyscrapers tumble to the ground all around me. Some things fell apart this year, but I came out alive and stronger than ever. Ain't no 2016 gonna get me down! 

I just wanna celebrate some HUGE wins from this past year! First and foremost, I CAME OUT! In January I started a blog about my coming out story. It wasn't because I wanted attention or validation, it was because I needed to feel the relief of living authentically. I wanted everyone in my life to know who I truly was and prove to myself that it wasn't something I should be ashamed of or needed to hide. After I posted my blog on Facebook the first time I sat on my couch and wept for hours. I called a close friend and she listened to me as I tried to express through tears what I was feeling. I felt overwhelmed by the love and support from my friends and extended family as they expressed love and support on my post, but I was also mourning the loss of a persona that had protected me from pain, rejection, damnation, and judgment my entire life. When I realized I didn't need that persona to protect me anymore I chose to let him go. As the saying goes, "Your new life will cost you your old one." I decided that day to give up the half-life I was living in order to live a more wholehearted and honest life. So far, it's been SO worth it. 

With my secret revealed and my armor gone I was left with just me. The raw and real Trevor Johnson. I went straight to work buoying myself up, trying hard to increase my self-esteem and self-acceptance. As a part of that process I kept blogging. I wanted to reach people who shared my story and help them know they're not alone. I wanted to keep practicing vulnerability by sharing and owning my true feelings and thoughts on shame, spirituality, goodness, and love. I've been honored to hear from people who have been touched by my willingness to be open and honest about my journey. 

As I settled into my new, authentic self I kept LIVING and going on adventures with people I love. I played Tony in a production of West Side Story. I went to my little sister's wedding. I saw Beyoncé in concert. I swam with dolphins in the Atlantic Ocean. I camped in the Blue Ridge Mountains. I went to Harry Potter World! I saw five incredible shows on Broadway. I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family. I quit my first big-boy job. I drove a moving truck across the country. I started a job in Utah at a non-profit. I dyed my hair purple. I surprised a friend in San Fransisco. I went back to visit friends in North Carolina. I got certified as a Professional Strategic Strengths Coach. I sold a dead car and bought a new one. I resigned from the Mormon Church. I got engaged to my best friend! 

All along I worked so hard to be thorough in my process. I checked in regularly with myself and others. I tried to be thoughtful. I started therapy a couple months ago to work through the anger I felt towards the Mormon Church. I fought a lifetime of shame stories about my sexuality, gender, and spirituality and came to the firm conclusion that I have inside of me everything I need to live a bountiful life. The work is ongoing but it doesn't consume me like it did before. I feel capable of contributing to the improvement of others' lives, not just my own, and building a life that will allow me to have a family and keep adventuring. 

I forget that I'm gay most of the time now. It's becoming as normal to me as being straight must be for straight people. Can you believe we live in time where that's even possible? I dream of a world where young men and women have the space to embrace all of who they are and can pursue authentic relationships, whatever they look like, in healthy, shame-free ways. 

This year has taught me about the power of sharing your story. When we share our stories we shine light on shame and help others not feel so alone. I encourage each of you to share your story. Be courageous and voice what you truly believe, even if it isn't mainstream. Just because something feels familiar or is widely accepted doesn't mean it is right. Remember that everyone's story is valid and that the pursuit of happiness is unique to each individual. There are many ways to be happy. 

As I approach the end of 2016, with my final slow motion hair flip as the last building collapses epically behind me, I still have some cuts and bruises (and aching joints - what the HECK late twenties??) I learned this past year that no matter what goes on around us we have the power to make of our lives something beautiful. But that doesn't mean it comes without pain, struggle, or loss. Beauty doesn't mean constant joy or perfection. To me, beauty is embracing the experience of life with all its twists and turns and challenges and facing it head on with the resolve to grow and get stronger and be braver no matter how it unfolds. 

So let's freshen up, dress our wounds, live our lives, and tell our stories! Here's to a more vulnerable and more courageous year full of authenticity and LOVE.